my next book will be about how i cured my own paranoid schizophrenia
working title:
you're not paranoid if they're really out to get ya

american government new motto:
in doge we musk

i don't think i can completely cure blindness using just telemedicine

just a very hot bulb and a very tiny fan
those are the only components of civilization that actually work currently

i'm probably paranoid, but lately it seems like 90% of youtube thumbnails
they got somebody with their mouth agape

A convection oven (also known as a fan-assisted oven, turbo broiler or simply a fan oven or turbo)
Convection is single or multiphase fluid flow that occurs spontaneously
isn't 'convection oven' also a misnomer?
a normal oven is the type of oven that depends most on convection?

oregano

that's right transphobes
riley reid got a pee-pee
he's smarter than you and he's 6'3

i guess everybody just sitting with their mouth agape
only God let's me know how i'm doing

hey spooks
was that vag who was stalking me over by my convenience store an important man?

don't bury him in a cemetary, i will have to come poop on his grave

the cia was known as the terrorist organization composed entirely of cowardly dorks
but now that they do suicide attacks too
i suppose that increases their cachet?

Master’s in Theology Online Degree
Harvard Law School Degree Programs
these are exact analogs
but i imagine liberty university is cheaper

i put my course material out for free, and nobody appreciates me?

i can tell you pigs where the confetti is coming from
i can't offer you a place in my regime

twenty years ago
i watched pride fc on a cable channel called hdnet in 1080i
it was hard to find actual hd content back then
getting a somewhat obscure live event was amazing to me
and mark cuban created hdnet
he was also famous for answering his own email at the time

so i wrote to him to thank him, and ask him something trivial
he replied
that is the closest i have ever come to getting a new years kiss

i can undercut the price of that dating course
$1294

oh, okay
so the ivy league lawyers are involved
looking for a way to deprive me of my freedom of speech
that is my fault
i mentioned american laws and the constitution as if they mattered

i was attempting highlight the hypocrisy and criminality of your terrorist services
but if they were sharing information with you
y'know, the way that the $52 billion/year department of homeland security was intended to compel them to do
you would already know that the whole conversation just like your profession
is moot

a law without an enforcement mechanism is not a law at all
and the cops, the cia, the military
they have already tried to do everything extrajudicially that they can possibly do

you've failed to assassinate me numerous times, so now you're gonna step things up?
send a threatening letter to my isp?

but you want to waste your dwindling resources on that sort of thing
it's all good, man
i'm sure you'll find that We employ some truly vexacious motherfuckers
from the finest schools

it will make good television, and have no other effect on reality

please, by all means
turn the tattered remains of your judicial system into an infomercial for my python
i need all the help i can get, i really do

i already told all you government stooges to go drive school buses
do something useful for people who need you

i demand trial by combat
we're doing this matt

Amtrak mayhem: NYC service remains partially suspended between New Haven

this song still comes into my head in 2024
is that a war crime?

so...
nobody really trying to live through this?

guys, i really don't think God was talking about republicans winning the elections

republicans come right up to you and piss on your shoes
democrats say they're going to the bathroom
but then all they do in there is piss all over the floor

since i'm coming in there after you, i prefer republican honesty

resign in disgrace

government having prodromal symptoms

i dropped out of high school too

so you've got ur All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office
with a secret budget
and i guess all you guys found were suspicious flying tic tacs?

want more evidence of non human intelligence?
NHI
if you see competence in government
you guys really should have found that suspicious
but that statement seems tautological

do they not air these commercials during golf tournaments?
is that why we can't reach kleptocrats?

Mictlantecuhtli

i was an aztec in 7th-8th grade basketball
coach greg was the only coach i ever had who didn't make me feel like i sucked
and he was a wizard for that because i definitely suck at basketball

high school is fucking terrible
i had to jump through hoops to be legally allowed to leave
because authoritarians and money
fuck you svusd, you taught me nothing

i did not know that my wife would be cast in this movie when i started writing it
it is as surprising to me, as john krasinski being named 'sexiest man alive'

i'm sorry for scaring you
and everybody